3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
