I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize