normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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