hotel room ftw
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
