remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
