I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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