I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
