Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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