So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
