I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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