Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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