Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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