i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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