you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
