i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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