Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
