She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
