Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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