So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
