Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
