You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
