Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
