We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
a search helicopter?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
