I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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