Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
