so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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