he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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