Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
