Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
