Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
