How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
