it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
