i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
