I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
