problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
