i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
