Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
