New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
