for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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