yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
