i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
