If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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