This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think I won the penis lottery.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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