you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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