I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
