Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
