hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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