drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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