I seem to have left my pride at pride
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
