you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
