Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
