We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
