You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
