His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
