Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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