she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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