Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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