I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
