Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Its about making memories worth repressing
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
