My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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