I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
