You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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