Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
