Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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