I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
