I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
