people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
