It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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